Thursday, August 11, 2011

I'm Moving

To all my dedicated readers, I'm sorry to say I'll be moving to a new blog over at Wordpress. No hard feelings, Blogger. Wordpress just has that slick look. You'll always be my first love!!! I moved the archives over there too, so for all intents and purposes, this one is dead. Here's the link for the new one

Monday, August 8, 2011

Lost Albums: Pro Tools


This is a new feature I’m thinking of starting. Basically, I’m gonna look back at albums that I really liked that didn’t seem to get as much pub as I think they did. I might just review them, I might just talk about them, it’s open ended right now. I may not even do any more of these. Let’s see how it works out. The first album I want to tackle is The GZA’s Pro Tools.

Pro Tools was the first album I ever bought with my own money, having found it in a bargain bin at Wal-Mart or Best Buy or some other big store, I can’t really remember. What I did remember was that I was struck by the cover art and track listing on the back, and since it was cheap, I bought it. Because it was the clean version, it was the first rap album I could play around my parents (yes, I know, I was lame) and I played it like hell. Considering how much I played it, I developed a real familiarity with it. As I did so, I started seeing real complexities in the lyrics. This was deeper than your average rap album.

The main criticism lobbed at Pro Tools is that of subpar production, and while it’s true that only having RZA produce one track didn’t help the album, this isn’t a CD that lives and dies by it’s sound. In fact, the beats do well to complement the lyrical content of the album, which is where the GZA shines.

Those who have listened to Liquid Swords know that the GZA is a lyrical assassin. It’s his calling card, his trademark in the rap game. Even as a full time member of the greatest group in rap history, he was considered the head, hence the nickname “Genius.” On this album, he returns to the lyrically fertile lands of his first classic. He’s got some gems on this one, from the first song after the intro, “Pencil,” featuring Masta Killa and and the RZA, to “Alphabets,” a concept song similar to “Labels” where he uses words starting with every letter of the alphabet, in order, to the vicious Ether-ing of 50 Cent on “Paper Plate.” The second half of the album drags a tad, with no real stand out verses, but with the sole production credit from the RZA and a general uptick in production quality, it’s a generally satisfying listen. The album ends on a high note with a live performance showing the GZA at his professional concert best.

In the end, this was a largely overlooked album that suffered from average (at best) production that still managed to shine thanks to a lyrical virtuoso performance from an old favorite of hip hop heads. There’s really no reason this should be one of the most played albums I have, but it is, and I’m thankful for it. If I hadn’t found it in that bargain bin, I might still be listening to old DMX singles sent to me over AIM or downloaded from Limewire. I think we can all agree that would have been a shame.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

What Could Be: NBA Fanfiction

Set the stage.

Game 7 of the NBA finals. 10 seconds left in the 4th quarter of the rubber match between the Heat and the Mavericks. The game is tied. The teams have changed much, and yet still remain the same.

Dirk inbounds the ball from the left sideline, near halfcourt. The clock starts.

Preseason. Steve Nash's year has not started auspiciously. A broken foot sidelines him for the first month of games, and the emergence of Aaron Brooks as a legitimate point guard makes it easier to trade him to a contender. And what a contender it is. Nash is sent to Dallas, the city where he first experienced real success. The cost is high. Fan favorites Roddy B and Ian Mahinmi are the centerpieces of Dallas' side. The Mavericks understand this is a last gasp for another ring.

9 seconds. Nash sets up at the top of the key, and waits for a screen from his old friend Dirk. He's matched up with Dywane Wade, who still gives Dallas fans nightmares. The screen comes.

Game 1 of the 2012 NBA Playoffs. The reunification of the Mavs and Nash has been a success, and Dallas is once again the best offensive team in the Association. They've just trounced the Suns, who, behind a backcourt of Beaubois and Brooks are unlikely playoff participants. Nash's chance for a career capping ring look as good as they have his entire career. But those Spurs still loom.

8 seconds. Dirk is shadowed by Udonis Haslem. As the screen is set, Wade and Haslem combine to play near perfect defense. Nash's alleyways to the basket are cut off.

2nd Round. Despite a valiant effort from San Antonio's Big 3, the Mavs have won in six games. After being eliminated, Tim Duncan announces his retirement. Slowly but surely, the guard is changing. Next up? The Lakers and Kobe.

7 seconds. The Heat have made a minuscule mistake. Forced to defend Nash, Haslem and Wade have switched, leaving Dirk guarded by a short, albeit athletic, 2 guard. Instantly, Steve Nash whips the ball around to Dirk at the free throw line extended.

Conference Finals. The Lakers mini-dynasty is all but over. Andrew Bynum can't stay healthy, Lamar Odom can't recapture the spark if the championship years, and Kobe has decided the fate of the team will rest on his shoulders. Still, a good regular season record and an easy postseason run has resulted in another trip to the conference finals. That's where the trip ends. This time, it's Steve Nash and not JJ Barea who destroys Los Angeles. It's on to the Finals, and Miami again.

6 seconds. As soon as the ball goes to Dirk, the double comes from Lebron in the corner. He's been guarding Terry, who's been scoreless since the 1st quarter. Now the three best players of the series are battling to see who takes home the trophy.

Game 1 of the NBA finals. Lebron begins his redemption. He drops a quadruple double: Points, boards, assists, and blocks. The Heat run away with the win, and Barea is injured. He's broken his wrist. Steve Nash is the sole point guard now. 


5 seconds. Lebron James, the most athletic player the NBA has ever seen, is bothering Dirk, as he would most players. The problem is, he's left Terry open in the corner. Mario Chalmers has been matched up with Peja Stojakovic near the sideline. He notices that Terry is open and runs over, just as Dirk swings the ball around.


Game 2. This game belongs to Nash. He plays all 48 minutes and drops a 20-20 with no turnovers, including passing to Dirk for the game winning free throws. The series seems to be just as much of a contest as it was last year. 


4 seconds. Terry holds onto the ball for a moment. This allows Chalmers enough time to get there and contest. Terry passes to Peja. Meanwhile, Haslem, who's been staying with Nash at the top of the key, rotates to Stojakovic. 


Game 3. The Heat win this one and Game 4 behind two 40 point games from Dwyane Wade. The Mavericks are once again in a hole. Nash seems exhausted. He's barely gotten any rest all series. The Mavs can't afford to let Jason Terry play point guard for very long. 


3 seconds. The ball and Udonis Haslem arrive at the elbow extended at the same time. Peja is a veteran though. He understands what to do. He swings the ball to Nash. Lebron James has been caught watching the ball movement. As the ball leaves Peja's hand, Lebron is still a good 10 feet away from Nash.


Game 5. Jason Terry gets hot from behind the line. Not even a fully focused Lebron can stop his one handed 30-footers. The Mavs avoid elimination for another game, and Nash gets some well earned rest at the end of a blowout. 


2 seconds. The ball arrives, right in Nash's shooting pocket. He sets his feet, makes sure he's got room, and readies for release. Lebron lunges at him.


Game 6. A Dirk special. He drops 30 points on 15 shots. The Mavs pull out another close one, despite a Lebron triple double. No one is blaming him anymore. 


1 second. The ball rises up, over Lebron James' outstretched fingertips, seemingly over the rafters in the arena. 


Game 7. Everyone brings their A-game. Dirk drops shots like he's playing in an empty gym. Nash is hitting everyone in the hands. Terry gets the hot hand in the first to keep Dallas in the game. Lebron is everywhere, blocking shots, dunking, dishing to Bosh, Haslem, and Joel. Wade is destroying anyone who tries to guard him one on one. Chris Bosh and Udonis Haslem are providing stellar defense and midrange shooting. It comes down to one shot. 


No time left. The ball drops through the net. Steve Nash drops to his knees. Lebron James' head drops to his chest. It's over. For one more year, Lebron will remain ringless, while Steve Nash will finally get his. 

Saturday, July 30, 2011

A Blossoming Fire Flower

I'm probably crazy (I definitely am), but I think Demar Derozan has a legitimate chance to lead the league in scoring within the next 7 years. 

Wow. That does sound really crazy. I wouldn't blame you if you stopped reading now. If you want to kill some time though, allow me to support my craziness. 

Last year, Derozan was, for the most part, the offensive second fiddle to one Andrea Bargnani. In that role, he still demonstrated a knack for scoring, both athletically at the rim, and through a rapidly improving midrange jumper. From December on, he didn't average less than 15.9 ppg in any month. Then, when Andrea got injured in the beginning of April, Derozan was thrust into the role of main offensive player. He performed well for someone so young and on such a flawed team. In the month of April, he averaged 23 points a night, while getting to the line nearly 8 times a night.

A small sample size, to be sure, but those who watched the games know this: Derozan has the potential to be a gifted scorer. He had absolutely no 3 point range last year, but considering the improvement in his stroke from his rookie year, I believe he can bring himself up to league average. Combine that with the driving instincts and ability to draw fouls he flashed bear the end of the season, sprinkle in lots of shots on a mediocre to average team, and you have a recipe for 27+ points a night. 

Not out of the realm of possibility, right? Please tell me I'm right. 

Saturday, July 2, 2011

My Review of Transformers 3

Michael Bay has a boner. For America. 

The July 4th long weekend saw Bay release the latest Transformers monstrosity, and he didn't disappoint. This movie was bigger, more expensive, and in more dimensions than anything he's ever done. It was also kind of genius. 

There's no denying that Michael Bay knows how to direct an action scene. He may be the best explosion artisan in the industry. And he brings every ounce of his talent to the table for this one. The fight scenes between multi-ton robots are truly stunning. The explosions are eye-popping. The women (woman) are (is) attractive. And the nationalism is fierce. This was the perfect weekend for Bay to release this movie. Even I, being Canadian, was whipped into a fervor. It's probably not a coincidence that most of the good guys are American made. 

One of his other prime "AMERICA" moments lay in his portrayal of the military. The non-Josh Duhamel, non-Tyrese members of the armed forces were a much bigger part of this movie, presumably to cash in on the Independence Day sentiments. 

His true master stroke, though, may have been the movie's high body count. Bay didn't shy away from showing innocent civilians being annihilated by the Decepticons, and it provided a basis of grittiness. 

This isn't to say the movie was perfect. The dialogue was as average as average gets. Shia LeBeouf was as inconsistent as ever. The sheer spectacle of it all made you kind of uncomfortable afterwards. The new eye candy, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, actually made me pine for Megan Fox with all of her damsel in distress antics. 

All in all though, this movie was well worth the 3D admission price. It's obvious that no expense was spared, and it looks marvelous. Isn't that what America is all about?

3 out of 5 stars 

Friday, July 1, 2011

My Review of Cars

Cars 2 is the worst movie Pixar has ever made. That much is not up for debate. What is up for debate, though, is whether being the worst Pixar movie is necessarily a bad thing. 

I posit that, had this movie been made by, say, Dreamworks, it would have been hailed as a delightfully sunny children's movie that also held a certain appeal for parents. 

As it is, though, it's seen as a hackneyed attempt by Pixar to cash in on merchandising and advertising. So what is it? And why the two perceptions? WHY THE TWO ORDERS COLONEL JESSUP!? (sorry, got carried away)

The truth is, neither hypothetical review is wrong. Completely, that is. This movie will delight kids. Believe me, I watched with my little sister and cousin, and they loved it. But it's also a shallow movie that, outside of the typically excellent visuals, doesn't have much to offer grownups. And while it is wracked with merchandising and marketing opportunities, there is a certain palpable sincerity behind it. You can tell Pixar cares, at least enough to try and teach your kids something. 

The sum total of all of this is a movie that's well worth the 4$ matinee ticket I paid for it, especially considering how much the little ones enjoyed it. Your kids will have fun. If you are willing to turn your brain off for a while, you probably will too. 

2.5 out of 5 stars

The bigger question in all of this is, has Pixar raised it's expectations too high, and should they be taken to task for not meeting them? I mentioned this before, but it's worth mentioning. The vitriol being thrown at Cars 2 probably wouldn't be as severe if we were talking about Dreamworks here. That's because Dreamworks, for all its cleverness and in jokes, has become known as a cut below Pixar. So when Pixar apparently stoops to their level, we're shocked. And we shouldn't be. Just because Pixar has never made a bad movie doesn't mean they're infallible. Sometimes, they'll stumble. As long as the movie isn't Green Lantern level bad, there's no reason for panic. 

Sunday, June 26, 2011

On The Fulfillment Of Musical Dreams

I've been on both sides of the Eminem debate. I've exhorted him as a champion against the rap doldrums. I've also disowned him for (gasp) selling out and becoming boring. So I feel particularly well suited to discuss the new, official, Bad Meets Evil EP. And what do I think? Well, it's complicated. 

There's no denying that Eminem is one of the most technically perfect rappers, not just of his era, but of all time. His flow, breath control, and rhyming ability is rightfully legendary. There's also no denying that he hasn't been able to recapture the wonky and more than a bit crazy magic from the turn of the millennium. So we're left with a rapper who can rap as well as anyone, ever. We're also left with a guy who's become Generic Fast Rapper 2.0. 

Royce Da 5'9" is a different beast entirely. He's interesting if only because he's so antagonistic. While Eminem is loved and revered almost universally in the rap game, Royce still has haters. That provides emotion that, while shallow, isn't as forced as Em's. Still, Royce hasn't made a good album since Death Is Certain, and in the meantime, he's been pigeonholed, perhaps deservedly so, as a mixtape rapper, someone who can spit hot fiya, but apparently can't make a cohesive album. 

So what we have on this EP is two supremely skilled rappers, who make machine-gun rap to blast your eardrums with. We also have two seemingly past their prime legends, who can't put the songs together to make a cohesive record. They do machine-gun rap exceptionally well though. This is well worth it for those of us who dreamed of a Bad Meets Evil full length. If you've never wanted to smoke til you look like a Vietnamese person, but you're a fan of quickfire rap, you should also check this out. 

3.5 out of 5
So, how about that NBA draft, huh? We saw some crazy things, and some predictable things. All in all, it was a decent night, and the NBA's last hurrah before the lockout hits and renders us all depressed by 4 hour long baseball games.

But for now, let's reflect on the night that was. It's our last basketball for a while, so we should make it last.

Let's first talk about the most surprising parts of the draft. It's obvious almost no one expected Cleveland to draft Tristan Thompson, and for good reason. For all his athleticism and blocks, he's still a relatively short, skinny power forward. But the aforementioned athleticism and shot blocking ability make him an intriguing prospect. He may never be an All Star, but you can see why he was selected.

The severe drop of Brandon Knight and Kemba Walker was also unexpected. At one point or another, they were each considered a consensus top 5 pick, and the fact that they weren't drafted until the mid-lottery probably took many by surprise. And dropping wasn't necessarily beneficial for them. Although Walker will go to a team with some nice pieces around him in Charlotte, Knight is headed to a dysfunctional Pistons team In turmoil. He's still got the physical tools to make it work, but in that organization, it'll be tough.

A more personal surprise was the Raptors choice of Jonas Valanciunas. If you were following the draft on Twitter, you may have seen the reaction by Raptors fans, almost unanimously negative. I myself was shocked and kind of dismayed. But when I stopped and thought about the pick, it started to make sense. Everything I've ever read about Jonas has attested to his work ethic, motor, love for the game, and defensive instincts. Those are qualities Toronto sorely lacks. He may not be able to come over till next year, but with many draft experts projecting him as the best player of the draft class, I think he's worth it.

The rest of the draft, while not uneventful, was a tad predictable. The Spurs found a few diamonds in the rough, the Suns drafted the lesser of a set of collegiate siblings, and Portland made some smart deals. It was both a way to stave off the lockout and reminder of impending doom. We can only hope that both sides figure out a workable solution quickly. I want basketball and I want it soon. Who's with me?

Friday, June 17, 2011

Please Mr. Colangelo, Pick Bismarck Biyombo

I've already expressed the fact that I am not in favor of drafting the two point guard prospects most likely to be available for the Raptors at number 5. So who do I want the Raptors to pick? If you've read the title of the post, you know it's Congolese wunderkind Bismarck Biyombo.

Why? Simply put, the Raptors backcourt is reasonably set, with a talented young point guard and an exciting young shooting guard. The areas where the Raptors need improvement the most are at small forward and center. So why did I suggest Biyombo if he isn't a natural fit in either of these positions? Because he's extremely similar to another player who broke positional protocol, and on a championship team.

I speak, of course, of Ben Wallace. Big Ben proved that, as long as a player is athletic, long, quick, and strong, their height in shoes doesn't matter as it pertains to defending big men. Biyombo is all of those things, and he has shown overseas that he is capable of guarding 4's and 5's. Adding him to the Raptors would ostensibly result in a logjam at the power forward position, but Biyombo's defensive versatility means he would be capable of playing alongside Ed Davis or Amir Johnson, resulting in a solid if not above average defensive frontcourt.

So please, Bryan Colangelo. Do the right thing. Improve your defense, and add Bismarck Biyombo.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Why Jerryd Bayless Deserves A Shot

The end of the season for the Raptors wasn’t exactly happy fun times. They went 2-6 in their last 8 games, including a season ending loss to the Miami Heat minus their Big 3. But there was a bright spot hidden in all the doom and gloom (EDDIE HOUSE HAD 35 FREAKIN’ POINTS). Jerryd Bayless played big minutes in all of those games, and showed why he was so highly touted coming out of Arizona.

In the month of April, Bayless averaged 22.5 points, 5.6 assists, and 3 boards on nearly 38 minutes a game. He also shot over 48% from the field, 41.2% from beyond the arc on 4.3 attempts a game, and got to the line 7.3 times a game, and made nearly 83% of those. He also only turned the ball over 2.8 times a game, for a 2-to-1 assist-to-turnover ratio, and he was the best and most focused perimeter defender on the Raptors. Clearly, he was a positive.

The problem is, two of the prospects the Raptors seem to be most in love with are Brandon Knight and Kemba Walker, both point guards. They're both good players, and drafting them wouldn't be seen as a bad choice. However, I think Bayless has shown that he can be a legitimate starting point guard in the NBA, and I think the Raptors would do well to give him a chance.

Bayless has a knack for getting into the paint, he's a good finisher at the rim, he's able to draw contact and get to the line, and he's also become a plus shooter from the perimeter. He's a committed defender in man-to-man coverage, and his quickness and athleticism allows him to play the passing lanes well and gamble on turnovers without leaving his man wide open. And perhaps most importantly, he's a hard worker and seemingly pathological competitor, someone who is willing to yell at his teammates when they need it.

In a nutshell, he provides something the Raptors could use in every facet of the game: aggresiveness on offense, commitment on defense, and vocal leadership in the locker room. He also allows the Raptors to fill a position of greater need, like center or small forward. He may have his flaws, chief among them limited court vision and recklessness, but he's young enough and intriguing enough to warrant a gamble.

On The Simpsons

Why do we love the Simpsons? It's a fair question to ask. They seem to be composed of a boorish lout, an extremely ill-behaved boy, a know-it-all, and a hyperbolic exaggeration of a nagging wife. There's seemingly not much to love.

Some of it surely has to do with the fact that they are (or rather, were) extremely funny. For a period in the 90's, no television show outside of Seinfeld had writing as good as The Simpsons. Their longevity must have something to do with it. As one of the longest running television shows of all time, even though they've overstayed their welcome, they've grown on us. But that can't be all. There must be some reason why episodes we've seen literally hundreds of times before still leave us with a lump in our throats. So what is that reason?

Simply put, They are Us and We are They. The reason the one-sided, sometimes downright abusive relationship between Homer and Marge still appeals to us is because in it, we see our ideal relationship. They are quite evidently soulmates, a perfect example of opposites attracting. They are what we strive for in our romantic relationships. In Bart, we see the little child we all wish we could have been to some extent. To him, every day is a vacation. Seeing him, constantly carefree, we're reminded of the summers we had as children, back when summers off were still a thing. And in Lisa, we have the embodiment of our conscience. She may be self righteous and a little off putting, but beneath it all, she's striving to do the right thing. We connect with that.

Even underneath that there is a more basic reason for why we love The Simpsons. They're a family, and they love each other, however much they may fight. What's not to like?

Sunday, June 12, 2011

A Send-Off To The Season That Was

At the end of the greatest NBA season of all time, let it be said...the true Mavs fans deserved it. They - and Dirk, and Kidd - deserved this just as much as anyone. Congratulations. Now let's all get together and pray that David Stern and the players can get a deal done so we can enjoy another season soon.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Who's The Best Player On The Thunder?

I’m about to make an argument that sounds really stupid, but hear me out. Why are we so set in our ways that we believe Kevin Durant is, without a doubt, the best player on the Thunder? First, we have to ask ourselves what we think a “best player” should be. Should he simply be a transcendent scorer? Or should he be a well rounded player who gives you a lot of everything? I don’t mean to disparage Durant, but I think we know by now that, outside his scoring, he doesn’t do much else at an elite level. I want to show that Russell Westbrook at least has a solid case for the best player on the Thunder.
We can start by breaking down what aspects we want to look at. In my opinion, the 4 biggest aspects of basketball are defense, scoring, rebounding, and passing. We all know that Durant is possibly the best scorer in the league. He takes that category in a landslide. But what about the other 3? Let’s start by looking at rebounding.
Kevin Durant, this year, had a TRR of 10.3. TRR is an estimate of the percentage of available rebounds a player grabs while he’s on the floor. It’s a more accurate minute and pace adjusted way of looking at rebounding. The average TRR for all small forwards who played at least 20 games and 20 mpg this year was 9.2. So we can say that Durant was approximately 12 better at rebounding than the average small forward (((Durant’s TRR - Average TRR)/Average TRR) * 100). Russell Westbrook’s TRR this year was 7.8. The league average for all point guards who played 20 games and averaged at least 20 mpg was 5.8. Using the same formula, we see that Westbrook is about 34.5 better at rebounding than others at his position. So we see that Westbrook is a better rebounder for position than Durant. That category goes to Russell.
Now let’s look at passing. I’ll be using AR, which measures the rate of assists compiled against possessions used. Durant’s AR this year was a 10.42, and the league average for qualifying small forwards was 15.91. So we see that Durant was about 34.5% worse than average as a passer. Russell Westbrook’s AR this year was a 33.78, and the league average for point guards was 39.79. Therefore, Westbrook was about 15% worse than average as a passer. Both our subjects were below average playmakers, but Westbrook was slightly less worse for his position. Therefore, the category goes to him.
Defense is probably the hardest category to measure statistically. There’s really no good way to do it. For my purposes, I looked at a combination of steals and blocks. Keep in mind, this is extremely flawed. KD averaged 2.21 combined steals and blocks per game, and the league average for qualifying small forwards was 1.57. That puts him almost 41% above the average at his position. Westbrook’s combined steals and blocks per game amounted to 2.33 a game, and the league average at his position was 1.5 a game. That means Westbrook was 55% better than average at his position. These numbers are nearly meaningless though. Anecdotal and visual evidence, along with our flawed statistical analysis, tells us Westbrook is the better defender. He has this category.
So there you have it. Durant is a better scorer, but Westbrook is a better passer, rebounder, and defender (for his position, of course). Does that mean Westbrook is definitively better than Durant? No. It means that next time we crown Durant as the leader and top dog of the Thunder, maybe we should step back a bit.

All stats are courtesy of Hoopdata

Friday, April 22, 2011

NBA Players as Pokemon

Derrick Rose -- Pikachu The Pikachu from the original series was special for it’s electric attacks and it’s speed. Rose may be the fastest and most electrifying player in the league. It’s a natural fit.

Lebron James -- Charizard The best player in the league deserves to be the best Pokemon. Don’t even argue, you know Charizard was the shit. He was a flying, fire breathing dragon who could, according to the Pokedex, melt rocks! That’s legit.

Dwight Howard -- Blastoise His broad shoulders are kinda like a turtle’s protective shell. This one’s a stretch, but no one’s reading this, so fuck it.

Dwyane Wade -- Sandslash Slashing is the perfect way to describe what Dwyane does.

Blake Griffin -- Pidgeot This could have also been Fearow. I just liked my flyer to be Pidgeot. Blake Griffin is a high flyer, therefore, he is a Bird Pokemon.

Kobe Bryant -- Persian Kobe is graceful like a cat; plus, Persian was the Pokemon Giovanni was known for in the TV series, and Kobe is evil.

Joel Anthony -- Magikarp Just watch him flail around on offense. Unfortunately, I’m not sure he’ll ever evolve into Gyrados.

Eddy Curry -- Snorlax Evan Dunlap of the Orlando Pinstriped Post (@BQRMagic on Twitter) suggested this. You could also substitute Shaq for Eddy Curry. Especially because Snorlax is a pretty strong Pokemon, just like Shaq is still effective at times.

Michael Jordan -- Mew/Mewtwo This one is personal preference, whichever one you think is better, that’s MJ. The other Legendary Birds would probably be Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, and Bill Russell.

I know I didn’t get close to all the possible comparisons. Let’s hear yours in the comments.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

On Andrea Bargnani

Andrea Bargnani hasn’t performed like a number one pick.

That isn’t news for anyone. The Italian big man, while showing flashes of All-Star scoring potential, has also shown flashes of D-League worthy defense. His rebounding has been just as bad. All in all, he hasn’t lived up to his top billing. But honestly, he didn’t have top billing. Yes, he was drafted #1 overall, but was there a talent available in that year who was a slam dunk? Brandon Roy was a walking injury risk, LaMarcus Aldridge was still unproven, JJ Redick was thought to be a shorter Adam Morrison, both great college players who would be unable to translate their success to the NBA. Rajon Rondo was a huge project. We can say with relative certainty that the Raptors front office wasn’t necessarily wrong when they picked a 7 foot big man with shot blocking ability and 3 point range.

But that’s all in the past. Right now, we know that Bargnani can’t be the centerpiece of a successful team. So what to do with him? He’s probably best suited for a team with a strong team defense around him, to protect and cover up his own defensive liabilities. He would also be most helpful on a team that struggles to score. One team fits the bill to a T: The Milwaukee Bucks. They’re one of the best defenses (and worst offenses) in the league. That’s good because Il Mago is one of the best offensive (and worst defensive) big men in the league. He would have the second best defensive center in the league protecting the rim for him in Andrew Bogut, and he’d have all the offensive touches he can handle. It’s a perfect fit.

So what can the Raptors expect in return? That’s tough. They would probably want some young guys, either Luc Richard Mbah a Moute or Chris Douglas Roberts (Larry Sanders is basically out of the question). However, in order to make salaries match, they’d need to take on someone like Corey Maggette, whose contract is two years shorter than Bargnani’s, but slightly more expensive per year.

That said, the Raptors would probably jump on this deal. It’d allow them to rid themselves of Bargnani’s bad contract and get a promising young player. If picks are thrown in, that’s just icing on the cake. For the Bucks, they’d get someone who can instantly step in and score 20+ a game, something they sorely need. They’d also move Maggette’s contract for someone with their prime in front of them. They’d probably want to keep Mbah a Moute, a talented young defender who started more than 50 games this last year for them. They’d also probably be hesitant to throw in picks. It depends on what they believe Bargnani is worth.

This wouldn’t be a trade where both teams get better. Toronto would, on paper at least, get worse, and Milwaukee would be making a huge gamble. However, Toronto would also get salary relief and the start of a proper rebuilding, and if the gamble pays off for Milwaukee, it could propel them back into the playoffs.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Dr. Balllove, or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love March Madness

*I’m starting to have serious doubts about that title. But I really wanted to use the “Dr. Strangelove” subtitle, and I can’t think of anything else that fits for the actual title. Crucify me if you must.

For a long time, I mocked college basketball. To be honest, I mocked all of college sports. It was easy. You could see that it was obviously inferior to the pro game, be it basketball, football, or baseball (I didn’t actually watch college, or pro, baseball, I’m just assuming this). And in the case of college football, I still do mock them, although this has more to do with the BCS, which is another article altogether. But I learned something about college basketball last year. I still do believe it’s inferior to the pro game. But I’ve learned not to judge it so harshly.
The fact that college basketball is, at it’s core, a lesser offering then the NBA should be obvious. It has to be. Only the best of the best college basketball players actually manage to make it to the NBA, where they’re blessed with teams that have more money and resources at their disposal, solely to train these players, and the players themselves have more time to train and mature into their bodies. So it’s nothing to be ashamed of, NCAA. It’s just a fact of life. No big deal.
Notice I said that college basketball was inferior at it’s core. The reasoning for that wording is, college basketball isn’t meant to be taken as is. There’s a certain beauty to watching two .500 teams battle it out in mid-February with, in all honesty, nothing on the line. You’ve still got amazing athletes making amazing plays with regularity. The NCAA’s focus is elsewhere. It’s true, every once in a while, you’ll see athletic plays on par with the NBA, but on the whole, college basketball is theater framed as sport. A lot of it is by design. By making their postseason in a one-and-done format, college basketball officials are embracing the theatricality of their sport. If they truly cared about making sure the best team won the trophy at the end of the year, they would play series, be they best of 3 or best of 7. But they don’t. Why? Because the essence of college basketball is the upset. That is the magical word that defines March Madness for the casual fan. That is what the NCAA has embraced by making a one-and-done postseason tournament. That is why college basketball is theater, not sport. And that’s why I love it, despite myself.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

A Letter to Mr. Ebert

A long time ago, Roger Ebert wrote that he believed video games could never be art. He later changed his view, and eventually arrived at the conclusion that he should have never brought it up. Unfortunately, he did, and because I'm in touch with the zeitgeist, I've written a letter to Mr. Ebert, explaining just what I think of him and his taste in art. 



Dear Mr. Roger Ebert: Kindly fuck the fuck off.
A long time ago, you said you didn’t believe video games could be considered art in the foreseeable future. That may be the most pompous, idiotic thing I’ve ever heard someone say, and I’ve listened to Bill O’Reilly speak for more than 30 seconds. Do you really not believe that The Legend of Zelda is art? Do you really not believe that Final Fantasy is art? Do you really think that Mario and his friends aren’t art? And those are just the mainstream video games. There are so many more that were probably suggested to you by your readers. Jesus Fucking Christ, if you truly believe that video games can‘t be art, kindly fellate a shotgun.
You must believe literature is art. You obviously believe movies are art. You’re a movie critic for god sakes (You may refer to yourself as a film critic, but that is pure, pretentious bullshit. You write pretty about moving pictures and get paid for it. Don’t get a swelled head.)! So why is it so hard for you to believe that a video game can be art? You say that the fact that player affects the game precludes it from being art. How is that so? As you mentioned Clive Barker saying, it allows the player to experience a wider range of emotions. In the end, I’m not sure you have a reason for disliking video games. At the risk of sounding standoffish, I feel you’re being a snob. You tell us that you would gladly destroy all the video games in the world to save the works of Shakespeare. You tell us that a person who values a great video game over Huckleberry Finn is a fool. This is nothing more than cultural classism.  I assume this is how art critics, those pretentious buffoons, felt when Jackson Pollack was first dripping paint on canvas.
So I’m sorry Mr. Ebert. Until you can come up with some stronger reasoning then “they’re not Shakespeare or Twain,” I won’t be able to take you as anything more than a real life representation of Abe Simpson, afraid that a camera flash had stolen his soul. Fuck. You.
                                                                  Sincerely, Atique Virani

Ebert has been rebutted much better than this, by much better writers. My personal favorite is Michael Swaim's piece in Cracked.com. 

Saturday, February 26, 2011

A Look Back At The NBA

As you can see by the above title, the NBA is making it's stretch run towards the title. Because of the NFL draft, pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training, and March Madness, this all-too-important part of the NBA season is overlooked by all but the most diehard fans. This also means that the NBA season has passed it's midway point, and it's now possible to look at it with a sense of objectivity. Here, I want to frame the NBA through the prism of the end of year award races.
MVP:
In my mind, the obvious pick for MVP is Lebron James. He's still the best player in the world, whether you simply look at the stats, or actually watch the games. He's the leader of one of the best teams in the league and a legitimate contender for at least a conference title, if not a championship. What more do you need? This is one of those rare cases where the best player in the league, and the best player on one of the best teams in the league are one and the same.
However, I know the chances of James winning MVP are slim. Why? For one, he's already won it two straight times, and voters can tire of awarding MVP to the same player too many times in a row, whether he's Lebron James or Michael Jordan. He also happens to not be Derrick Rose, this season's breakout player. Rose has exploded this year, not only showing individual excellence, but also pushing his team to the upper echelon of the Eastern Conference. So why is he not my pick? It's not that I believe he's not deserving. In a league without James, I would have no problem with Rose, Dwight Howard, Chris Paul, or, heck, even Steve Nash winning the trophy. Strong cases can be made for all them. However, as long as a healthy Lebron James is still in his prime, the MVP trophy is his to earn, and he's certainly done that this year.
DPOY:
The Defensive Player Of The Year award is perhaps the second most coveted award in the NBA, after the MVP. To win, a player must show that he can not only put up good stats on the defensive side of the ball, but also make his team defense better as a whole. In my mind, there's one player who does that more than anyone: Dwight Howard. This is an obvious pick, yes, but for good reason. Even though the Magic traded away their best perimeter defender, Mickael Pietrus, and a solid interior defender, Marcin Gortat away to acquire defensive liability Hedo Turkoglu and defensive neutrality Jason Richardson, he's kept them on pace to finish with the third-best Defensive Efficiency (a measure of points allowed per 100 possessions) in the league at 99.0. Kevin Garnett and Joakim Noah also deserve consideration for their respective team successes, but they have the luxury of excellent team defense. Howard has been forced to cover for the mistakes of his wings, as well as handle his man, and he's excelled.
ROY:
Blake Griffin. End of story. I look stupid for picking Demarcus Cousins, but there's nothing I can do about it.
6TH MAN:
My pick for 6th Man goes to Glen Davis, under the assumption the Celtics pick up a bought out center, and Davis continues to come off the bench to anchor a suddenly fearsome Celtics 2nd squad, after the addition of Jeff Green and return of Delonte West. Davis has been one of the better help defenders in the league for years now, and his ability to move his feet, cut off angles to the basket, and draw charges is almost unparalleled. Ryan Anderson's offensive contributions were also considered.
MIP:
This year's Most Improved Player has to be Derrick Rose. His improvement from last year is simply amazing. He managed to significantly increase his usage without sacrificing efficiency, and he was able to do this by becoming a deadly long-range shooter and getting to the FT line at an increased rate, where he also hit a higher percentage. It's not just the scoring though. He managed to increase his TRB, AST, STL, and BLK % while bettering his Offensive and Defensive Ratings and almost doubling his Win Shares per 48 minutes. I'm starting to feel unsure about not naming him MVP, in fact, so I'll stop there. Suffice it to say, Derrick Rose is your MIP.
COY:
Your Coach of the Year this year has been Gregg Popovich. Yes, he's been blessed with great talent, but he's also done an amazing job of integrating his veteran core with younger role players, and transitioning from the greatest power forward of all time leading the squad, to one of the best international players and 6th men of all time leading it. Through it all, he's masterfully managed his rotations, saved his important players for the playoffs, somehow extricated the best record in the league by far from his team, and, perhaps most surprisingly, is objectively liked by almost all NBA fans. That, my friends, is a difficult task.

So, that was a look at the important awards of this NBA season. With the exception of MVP, I think these will turn out correct. Regardless, I'm excited as hell to see these playoffs. We should be in for some great matchups. The NBA truly is faaaaaaantastic.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

What To Do About The Raptors?

So, you may not know this, but I'm a Toronto sports fan, in the sports where Toronto has a team. Unfortunately, this means I'm also a Raptors fan, and therefore subject to all the heartache we Raptors fans know so well. This team is a little different. In the beginning of the season, they showed promise as a squad of youngsters who were willing to go all out every night and overachieve. This effort seemed to fall by the wayside, however, when Reggie Evans got hurt (Evans was, not coincidentally, the best rebounder in the league according to advanced metrics, and an integral part of this Raptors team. Jay Triano has seemed unable to coax consistent effort from this squad ever since the injury, and the Raptor's defense has suffered. I'm not sure if Triano deserves to keep his job, and it's bad form for me to call him out based on the injuries the Raptors have suffered, but one thing's for sure. At times this season, this team has looked downright uninterested, and for a respected coach like Triano, that's unacceptable.
However, life in the last two months hasn't been all bad. We've seen DeMar Derozan mature seemingly before our eyes, as, since the New Year, he's been averaging over 20 ppg, while also showing flashes of aggressiveness and dominance. He's still got a long way to go, but for a sophomore, he's performed admirably given the situation around him. Andrea Bargnani has proven that he can be a legitimate scorer in the NBA, provided he has a banger (like Reggie Evans) to take the punishment down low. Jose Calderon has rebounded from his terrible season last year, and while he's still not back to his All Star worthy form from three years ago, he's proven he can be a solid veteran PG. Ed Davis has been perhaps the most pleasant surprise for the Raps, as his per-minute stats place him at 12th in the league in TRR and 5th in the league in blocks per game in blocks per game among PFs, according to Hoopdata. Jerryd Bayless has also shown flashes of what made him a high draft pick, and while he is still very much a project, Raptors fans should have hope.
This organization and it's fans are obviously looking forward to the future. With a high lottery pick looming, let's hope the Raptors can find someone to complement Bargnani inside, without being the offensive liability Evans has been. The top candidates seem to be Enes Kanter or, if the lottery balls bounce the right way, Jared Sullinger. Those links will take you to the DraftExpress profiles on both those players, where you can see that they're both seen as guys with strong inside games, which is something the Raptors definitely need. For now, we're not sure where the Raptors will fall in the lottery, so all we can hope for is continued improvement from the young guys, and, hopefully, a better showing from the coach.

Monday, January 24, 2011

The State of Hip-Hop Today

So as I was leaving the gym the other day, I ran into a friend from high school. Now, this guy claims to be a "hip-hop head", and he seems pretty knowledgeable about rap music today. Eventually, the talk turned to music, and I offhandedly referred to Illmatic. What happened next left my flabbergasted. He said to me: "Oh yeah, Illmatic, I've heard of that album, it's pretty good, isn't it?" Now, those of you who are reading this blog and have any knowledge of music whatsoever should know that Illmatic is, bar none, the greatest album in rap history. Someone who purports to love rap music should listen to it at least once a month, if not once a week. What struck is me that this is a guy who passes for a fan of rap music among today's youth, of which I am a sad member. That spoke to the sad state of hip-hop music today. I'm not sure how to fix it, all I know is that when kids can quote Drake, and yet have no knowledge of Illmatic, humanity as a whole needs to worry. So I implore you: find someone who hasn't listened to the classic albums from rap's Golden Age, sit them down, and play some of them, one after another. Be a shepherd to these poor sheep.