NBA Players as Pokemon

Derrick Rose -- Pikachu The Pikachu from the original series was special for it’s electric attacks and it’s speed. Rose may be the fastest and most electrifying player in the league. It’s a natural fit.

Lebron James -- Charizard The best player in the league deserves to be the best Pokemon. Don’t even argue, you know Charizard was the shit. He was a flying, fire breathing dragon who could, according to the Pokedex, melt rocks! That’s legit.

Dwight Howard -- Blastoise His broad shoulders are kinda like a turtle’s protective shell. This one’s a stretch, but no one’s reading this, so fuck it.

Dwyane Wade -- Sandslash Slashing is the perfect way to describe what Dwyane does.

Blake Griffin -- Pidgeot This could have also been Fearow. I just liked my flyer to be Pidgeot. Blake Griffin is a high flyer, therefore, he is a Bird Pokemon.

Kobe Bryant -- Persian Kobe is graceful like a cat; plus, Persian was the Pokemon Giovanni was known for in the TV series, and Kobe is evil.

Joel Anthony -- Magikarp Just watch him flail around on offense. Unfortunately, I’m not sure he’ll ever evolve into Gyrados.

Eddy Curry -- Snorlax Evan Dunlap of the Orlando Pinstriped Post (@BQRMagic on Twitter) suggested this. You could also substitute Shaq for Eddy Curry. Especially because Snorlax is a pretty strong Pokemon, just like Shaq is still effective at times.

Michael Jordan -- Mew/Mewtwo This one is personal preference, whichever one you think is better, that’s MJ. The other Legendary Birds would probably be Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, and Bill Russell.

I know I didn’t get close to all the possible comparisons. Let’s hear yours in the comments.

On Andrea Bargnani

Andrea Bargnani hasn’t performed like a number one pick.

That isn’t news for anyone. The Italian big man, while showing flashes of All-Star scoring potential, has also shown flashes of D-League worthy defense. His rebounding has been just as bad. All in all, he hasn’t lived up to his top billing. But honestly, he didn’t have top billing. Yes, he was drafted #1 overall, but was there a talent available in that year who was a slam dunk? Brandon Roy was a walking injury risk, LaMarcus Aldridge was still unproven, JJ Redick was thought to be a shorter Adam Morrison, both great college players who would be unable to translate their success to the NBA. Rajon Rondo was a huge project. We can say with relative certainty that the Raptors front office wasn’t necessarily wrong when they picked a 7 foot big man with shot blocking ability and 3 point range.

But that’s all in the past. Right now, we know that Bargnani can’t be the centerpiece of a successful team. So what to do with him? He’s probably best suited for a team with a strong team defense around him, to protect and cover up his own defensive liabilities. He would also be most helpful on a team that struggles to score. One team fits the bill to a T: The Milwaukee Bucks. They’re one of the best defenses (and worst offenses) in the league. That’s good because Il Mago is one of the best offensive (and worst defensive) big men in the league. He would have the second best defensive center in the league protecting the rim for him in Andrew Bogut, and he’d have all the offensive touches he can handle. It’s a perfect fit.

So what can the Raptors expect in return? That’s tough. They would probably want some young guys, either Luc Richard Mbah a Moute or Chris Douglas Roberts (Larry Sanders is basically out of the question). However, in order to make salaries match, they’d need to take on someone like Corey Maggette, whose contract is two years shorter than Bargnani’s, but slightly more expensive per year.

That said, the Raptors would probably jump on this deal. It’d allow them to rid themselves of Bargnani’s bad contract and get a promising young player. If picks are thrown in, that’s just icing on the cake. For the Bucks, they’d get someone who can instantly step in and score 20+ a game, something they sorely need. They’d also move Maggette’s contract for someone with their prime in front of them. They’d probably want to keep Mbah a Moute, a talented young defender who started more than 50 games this last year for them. They’d also probably be hesitant to throw in picks. It depends on what they believe Bargnani is worth.

This wouldn’t be a trade where both teams get better. Toronto would, on paper at least, get worse, and Milwaukee would be making a huge gamble. However, Toronto would also get salary relief and the start of a proper rebuilding, and if the gamble pays off for Milwaukee, it could propel them back into the playoffs.

Dr. Balllove, or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love March Madness

*I’m starting to have serious doubts about that title. But I really wanted to use the “Dr. Strangelove” subtitle, and I can’t think of anything else that fits for the actual title. Crucify me if you must.

For a long time, I mocked college basketball. To be honest, I mocked all of college sports. It was easy. You could see that it was obviously inferior to the pro game, be it basketball, football, or baseball (I didn’t actually watch college, or pro, baseball, I’m just assuming this). And in the case of college football, I still do mock them, although this has more to do with the BCS, which is another article altogether. But I learned something about college basketball last year. I still do believe it’s inferior to the pro game. But I’ve learned not to judge it so harshly.
The fact that college basketball is, at it’s core, a lesser offering then the NBA should be obvious. It has to be. Only the best of the best college basketball players actually manage to make it to the NBA, where they’re blessed with teams that have more money and resources at their disposal, solely to train these players, and the players themselves have more time to train and mature into their bodies. So it’s nothing to be ashamed of, NCAA. It’s just a fact of life. No big deal.
Notice I said that college basketball was inferior at it’s core. The reasoning for that wording is, college basketball isn’t meant to be taken as is. There’s a certain beauty to watching two .500 teams battle it out in mid-February with, in all honesty, nothing on the line. You’ve still got amazing athletes making amazing plays with regularity. The NCAA’s focus is elsewhere. It’s true, every once in a while, you’ll see athletic plays on par with the NBA, but on the whole, college basketball is theater framed as sport. A lot of it is by design. By making their postseason in a one-and-done format, college basketball officials are embracing the theatricality of their sport. If they truly cared about making sure the best team won the trophy at the end of the year, they would play series, be they best of 3 or best of 7. But they don’t. Why? Because the essence of college basketball is the upset. That is the magical word that defines March Madness for the casual fan. That is what the NCAA has embraced by making a one-and-done postseason tournament. That is why college basketball is theater, not sport. And that’s why I love it, despite myself.