Michael Bay has a boner. For America.
The July 4th long weekend saw Bay release the latest Transformers monstrosity, and he didn't disappoint. This movie was bigger, more expensive, and in more dimensions than anything he's ever done. It was also kind of genius.
There's no denying that Michael Bay knows how to direct an action scene. He may be the best explosion artisan in the industry. And he brings every ounce of his talent to the table for this one. The fight scenes between multi-ton robots are truly stunning. The explosions are eye-popping. The women (woman) are (is) attractive. And the nationalism is fierce. This was the perfect weekend for Bay to release this movie. Even I, being Canadian, was whipped into a fervor. It's probably not a coincidence that most of the good guys are American made.
One of his other prime "AMERICA" moments lay in his portrayal of the military. The non-Josh Duhamel, non-Tyrese members of the armed forces were a much bigger part of this movie, presumably to cash in on the Independence Day sentiments.
His true master stroke, though, may have been the movie's high body count. Bay didn't shy away from showing innocent civilians being annihilated by the Decepticons, and it provided a basis of grittiness.
This isn't to say the movie was perfect. The dialogue was as average as average gets. Shia LeBeouf was as inconsistent as ever. The sheer spectacle of it all made you kind of uncomfortable afterwards. The new eye candy, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, actually made me pine for Megan Fox with all of her damsel in distress antics.
All in all though, this movie was well worth the 3D admission price. It's obvious that no expense was spared, and it looks marvelous. Isn't that what America is all about?
3 out of 5 stars
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
My Review of Cars
Cars 2 is the worst movie Pixar has ever made. That much is not up for debate. What is up for debate, though, is whether being the worst Pixar movie is necessarily a bad thing.
I posit that, had this movie been made by, say, Dreamworks, it would have been hailed as a delightfully sunny children's movie that also held a certain appeal for parents.
As it is, though, it's seen as a hackneyed attempt by Pixar to cash in on merchandising and advertising. So what is it? And why the two perceptions? WHY THE TWO ORDERS COLONEL JESSUP!? (sorry, got carried away)
The truth is, neither hypothetical review is wrong. Completely, that is. This movie will delight kids. Believe me, I watched with my little sister and cousin, and they loved it. But it's also a shallow movie that, outside of the typically excellent visuals, doesn't have much to offer grownups. And while it is wracked with merchandising and marketing opportunities, there is a certain palpable sincerity behind it. You can tell Pixar cares, at least enough to try and teach your kids something.
The sum total of all of this is a movie that's well worth the 4$ matinee ticket I paid for it, especially considering how much the little ones enjoyed it. Your kids will have fun. If you are willing to turn your brain off for a while, you probably will too.
2.5 out of 5 stars
The bigger question in all of this is, has Pixar raised it's expectations too high, and should they be taken to task for not meeting them? I mentioned this before, but it's worth mentioning. The vitriol being thrown at Cars 2 probably wouldn't be as severe if we were talking about Dreamworks here. That's because Dreamworks, for all its cleverness and in jokes, has become known as a cut below Pixar. So when Pixar apparently stoops to their level, we're shocked. And we shouldn't be. Just because Pixar has never made a bad movie doesn't mean they're infallible. Sometimes, they'll stumble. As long as the movie isn't Green Lantern level bad, there's no reason for panic.
I posit that, had this movie been made by, say, Dreamworks, it would have been hailed as a delightfully sunny children's movie that also held a certain appeal for parents.
As it is, though, it's seen as a hackneyed attempt by Pixar to cash in on merchandising and advertising. So what is it? And why the two perceptions? WHY THE TWO ORDERS COLONEL JESSUP!? (sorry, got carried away)
The truth is, neither hypothetical review is wrong. Completely, that is. This movie will delight kids. Believe me, I watched with my little sister and cousin, and they loved it. But it's also a shallow movie that, outside of the typically excellent visuals, doesn't have much to offer grownups. And while it is wracked with merchandising and marketing opportunities, there is a certain palpable sincerity behind it. You can tell Pixar cares, at least enough to try and teach your kids something.
The sum total of all of this is a movie that's well worth the 4$ matinee ticket I paid for it, especially considering how much the little ones enjoyed it. Your kids will have fun. If you are willing to turn your brain off for a while, you probably will too.
2.5 out of 5 stars
The bigger question in all of this is, has Pixar raised it's expectations too high, and should they be taken to task for not meeting them? I mentioned this before, but it's worth mentioning. The vitriol being thrown at Cars 2 probably wouldn't be as severe if we were talking about Dreamworks here. That's because Dreamworks, for all its cleverness and in jokes, has become known as a cut below Pixar. So when Pixar apparently stoops to their level, we're shocked. And we shouldn't be. Just because Pixar has never made a bad movie doesn't mean they're infallible. Sometimes, they'll stumble. As long as the movie isn't Green Lantern level bad, there's no reason for panic.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
On The Fulfillment Of Musical Dreams
I've been on both sides of the Eminem debate. I've exhorted him as a champion against the rap doldrums. I've also disowned him for (gasp) selling out and becoming boring. So I feel particularly well suited to discuss the new, official, Bad Meets Evil EP. And what do I think? Well, it's complicated.
There's no denying that Eminem is one of the most technically perfect rappers, not just of his era, but of all time. His flow, breath control, and rhyming ability is rightfully legendary. There's also no denying that he hasn't been able to recapture the wonky and more than a bit crazy magic from the turn of the millennium. So we're left with a rapper who can rap as well as anyone, ever. We're also left with a guy who's become Generic Fast Rapper 2.0.
Royce Da 5'9" is a different beast entirely. He's interesting if only because he's so antagonistic. While Eminem is loved and revered almost universally in the rap game, Royce still has haters. That provides emotion that, while shallow, isn't as forced as Em's. Still, Royce hasn't made a good album since Death Is Certain, and in the meantime, he's been pigeonholed, perhaps deservedly so, as a mixtape rapper, someone who can spit hot fiya, but apparently can't make a cohesive album.
So what we have on this EP is two supremely skilled rappers, who make machine-gun rap to blast your eardrums with. We also have two seemingly past their prime legends, who can't put the songs together to make a cohesive record. They do machine-gun rap exceptionally well though. This is well worth it for those of us who dreamed of a Bad Meets Evil full length. If you've never wanted to smoke til you look like a Vietnamese person, but you're a fan of quickfire rap, you should also check this out.
3.5 out of 5
There's no denying that Eminem is one of the most technically perfect rappers, not just of his era, but of all time. His flow, breath control, and rhyming ability is rightfully legendary. There's also no denying that he hasn't been able to recapture the wonky and more than a bit crazy magic from the turn of the millennium. So we're left with a rapper who can rap as well as anyone, ever. We're also left with a guy who's become Generic Fast Rapper 2.0.
Royce Da 5'9" is a different beast entirely. He's interesting if only because he's so antagonistic. While Eminem is loved and revered almost universally in the rap game, Royce still has haters. That provides emotion that, while shallow, isn't as forced as Em's. Still, Royce hasn't made a good album since Death Is Certain, and in the meantime, he's been pigeonholed, perhaps deservedly so, as a mixtape rapper, someone who can spit hot fiya, but apparently can't make a cohesive album.
So what we have on this EP is two supremely skilled rappers, who make machine-gun rap to blast your eardrums with. We also have two seemingly past their prime legends, who can't put the songs together to make a cohesive record. They do machine-gun rap exceptionally well though. This is well worth it for those of us who dreamed of a Bad Meets Evil full length. If you've never wanted to smoke til you look like a Vietnamese person, but you're a fan of quickfire rap, you should also check this out.
3.5 out of 5
So, how about that NBA draft, huh? We saw some crazy things, and some predictable things. All in all, it was a decent night, and the NBA's last hurrah before the lockout hits and renders us all depressed by 4 hour long baseball games.
But for now, let's reflect on the night that was. It's our last basketball for a while, so we should make it last.
Let's first talk about the most surprising parts of the draft. It's obvious almost no one expected Cleveland to draft Tristan Thompson, and for good reason. For all his athleticism and blocks, he's still a relatively short, skinny power forward. But the aforementioned athleticism and shot blocking ability make him an intriguing prospect. He may never be an All Star, but you can see why he was selected.
The severe drop of Brandon Knight and Kemba Walker was also unexpected. At one point or another, they were each considered a consensus top 5 pick, and the fact that they weren't drafted until the mid-lottery probably took many by surprise. And dropping wasn't necessarily beneficial for them. Although Walker will go to a team with some nice pieces around him in Charlotte, Knight is headed to a dysfunctional Pistons team In turmoil. He's still got the physical tools to make it work, but in that organization, it'll be tough.
A more personal surprise was the Raptors choice of Jonas Valanciunas. If you were following the draft on Twitter, you may have seen the reaction by Raptors fans, almost unanimously negative. I myself was shocked and kind of dismayed. But when I stopped and thought about the pick, it started to make sense. Everything I've ever read about Jonas has attested to his work ethic, motor, love for the game, and defensive instincts. Those are qualities Toronto sorely lacks. He may not be able to come over till next year, but with many draft experts projecting him as the best player of the draft class, I think he's worth it.
The rest of the draft, while not uneventful, was a tad predictable. The Spurs found a few diamonds in the rough, the Suns drafted the lesser of a set of collegiate siblings, and Portland made some smart deals. It was both a way to stave off the lockout and reminder of impending doom. We can only hope that both sides figure out a workable solution quickly. I want basketball and I want it soon. Who's with me?
But for now, let's reflect on the night that was. It's our last basketball for a while, so we should make it last.
Let's first talk about the most surprising parts of the draft. It's obvious almost no one expected Cleveland to draft Tristan Thompson, and for good reason. For all his athleticism and blocks, he's still a relatively short, skinny power forward. But the aforementioned athleticism and shot blocking ability make him an intriguing prospect. He may never be an All Star, but you can see why he was selected.
The severe drop of Brandon Knight and Kemba Walker was also unexpected. At one point or another, they were each considered a consensus top 5 pick, and the fact that they weren't drafted until the mid-lottery probably took many by surprise. And dropping wasn't necessarily beneficial for them. Although Walker will go to a team with some nice pieces around him in Charlotte, Knight is headed to a dysfunctional Pistons team In turmoil. He's still got the physical tools to make it work, but in that organization, it'll be tough.
A more personal surprise was the Raptors choice of Jonas Valanciunas. If you were following the draft on Twitter, you may have seen the reaction by Raptors fans, almost unanimously negative. I myself was shocked and kind of dismayed. But when I stopped and thought about the pick, it started to make sense. Everything I've ever read about Jonas has attested to his work ethic, motor, love for the game, and defensive instincts. Those are qualities Toronto sorely lacks. He may not be able to come over till next year, but with many draft experts projecting him as the best player of the draft class, I think he's worth it.
The rest of the draft, while not uneventful, was a tad predictable. The Spurs found a few diamonds in the rough, the Suns drafted the lesser of a set of collegiate siblings, and Portland made some smart deals. It was both a way to stave off the lockout and reminder of impending doom. We can only hope that both sides figure out a workable solution quickly. I want basketball and I want it soon. Who's with me?
Friday, June 17, 2011
Please Mr. Colangelo, Pick Bismarck Biyombo
I've already expressed the fact that I am not in favor of drafting the two point guard prospects most likely to be available for the Raptors at number 5. So who do I want the Raptors to pick? If you've read the title of the post, you know it's Congolese wunderkind Bismarck Biyombo.
Why? Simply put, the Raptors backcourt is reasonably set, with a talented young point guard and an exciting young shooting guard. The areas where the Raptors need improvement the most are at small forward and center. So why did I suggest Biyombo if he isn't a natural fit in either of these positions? Because he's extremely similar to another player who broke positional protocol, and on a championship team.
I speak, of course, of Ben Wallace. Big Ben proved that, as long as a player is athletic, long, quick, and strong, their height in shoes doesn't matter as it pertains to defending big men. Biyombo is all of those things, and he has shown overseas that he is capable of guarding 4's and 5's. Adding him to the Raptors would ostensibly result in a logjam at the power forward position, but Biyombo's defensive versatility means he would be capable of playing alongside Ed Davis or Amir Johnson, resulting in a solid if not above average defensive frontcourt.
So please, Bryan Colangelo. Do the right thing. Improve your defense, and add Bismarck Biyombo.
Why? Simply put, the Raptors backcourt is reasonably set, with a talented young point guard and an exciting young shooting guard. The areas where the Raptors need improvement the most are at small forward and center. So why did I suggest Biyombo if he isn't a natural fit in either of these positions? Because he's extremely similar to another player who broke positional protocol, and on a championship team.
I speak, of course, of Ben Wallace. Big Ben proved that, as long as a player is athletic, long, quick, and strong, their height in shoes doesn't matter as it pertains to defending big men. Biyombo is all of those things, and he has shown overseas that he is capable of guarding 4's and 5's. Adding him to the Raptors would ostensibly result in a logjam at the power forward position, but Biyombo's defensive versatility means he would be capable of playing alongside Ed Davis or Amir Johnson, resulting in a solid if not above average defensive frontcourt.
So please, Bryan Colangelo. Do the right thing. Improve your defense, and add Bismarck Biyombo.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Why Jerryd Bayless Deserves A Shot
The end of the season for the Raptors wasn’t exactly happy fun times. They went 2-6 in their last 8 games, including a season ending loss to the Miami Heat minus their Big 3. But there was a bright spot hidden in all the doom and gloom (EDDIE HOUSE HAD 35 FREAKIN’ POINTS). Jerryd Bayless played big minutes in all of those games, and showed why he was so highly touted coming out of Arizona.
In the month of April, Bayless averaged 22.5 points, 5.6 assists, and 3 boards on nearly 38 minutes a game. He also shot over 48% from the field, 41.2% from beyond the arc on 4.3 attempts a game, and got to the line 7.3 times a game, and made nearly 83% of those. He also only turned the ball over 2.8 times a game, for a 2-to-1 assist-to-turnover ratio, and he was the best and most focused perimeter defender on the Raptors. Clearly, he was a positive.
The problem is, two of the prospects the Raptors seem to be most in love with are Brandon Knight and Kemba Walker, both point guards. They're both good players, and drafting them wouldn't be seen as a bad choice. However, I think Bayless has shown that he can be a legitimate starting point guard in the NBA, and I think the Raptors would do well to give him a chance.
Bayless has a knack for getting into the paint, he's a good finisher at the rim, he's able to draw contact and get to the line, and he's also become a plus shooter from the perimeter. He's a committed defender in man-to-man coverage, and his quickness and athleticism allows him to play the passing lanes well and gamble on turnovers without leaving his man wide open. And perhaps most importantly, he's a hard worker and seemingly pathological competitor, someone who is willing to yell at his teammates when they need it.
In a nutshell, he provides something the Raptors could use in every facet of the game: aggresiveness on offense, commitment on defense, and vocal leadership in the locker room. He also allows the Raptors to fill a position of greater need, like center or small forward. He may have his flaws, chief among them limited court vision and recklessness, but he's young enough and intriguing enough to warrant a gamble.
In the month of April, Bayless averaged 22.5 points, 5.6 assists, and 3 boards on nearly 38 minutes a game. He also shot over 48% from the field, 41.2% from beyond the arc on 4.3 attempts a game, and got to the line 7.3 times a game, and made nearly 83% of those. He also only turned the ball over 2.8 times a game, for a 2-to-1 assist-to-turnover ratio, and he was the best and most focused perimeter defender on the Raptors. Clearly, he was a positive.
The problem is, two of the prospects the Raptors seem to be most in love with are Brandon Knight and Kemba Walker, both point guards. They're both good players, and drafting them wouldn't be seen as a bad choice. However, I think Bayless has shown that he can be a legitimate starting point guard in the NBA, and I think the Raptors would do well to give him a chance.
Bayless has a knack for getting into the paint, he's a good finisher at the rim, he's able to draw contact and get to the line, and he's also become a plus shooter from the perimeter. He's a committed defender in man-to-man coverage, and his quickness and athleticism allows him to play the passing lanes well and gamble on turnovers without leaving his man wide open. And perhaps most importantly, he's a hard worker and seemingly pathological competitor, someone who is willing to yell at his teammates when they need it.
In a nutshell, he provides something the Raptors could use in every facet of the game: aggresiveness on offense, commitment on defense, and vocal leadership in the locker room. He also allows the Raptors to fill a position of greater need, like center or small forward. He may have his flaws, chief among them limited court vision and recklessness, but he's young enough and intriguing enough to warrant a gamble.
On The Simpsons
Why do we love the Simpsons? It's a fair question to ask. They seem to be composed of a boorish lout, an extremely ill-behaved boy, a know-it-all, and a hyperbolic exaggeration of a nagging wife. There's seemingly not much to love.
Some of it surely has to do with the fact that they are (or rather, were) extremely funny. For a period in the 90's, no television show outside of Seinfeld had writing as good as The Simpsons. Their longevity must have something to do with it. As one of the longest running television shows of all time, even though they've overstayed their welcome, they've grown on us. But that can't be all. There must be some reason why episodes we've seen literally hundreds of times before still leave us with a lump in our throats. So what is that reason?
Simply put, They are Us and We are They. The reason the one-sided, sometimes downright abusive relationship between Homer and Marge still appeals to us is because in it, we see our ideal relationship. They are quite evidently soulmates, a perfect example of opposites attracting. They are what we strive for in our romantic relationships. In Bart, we see the little child we all wish we could have been to some extent. To him, every day is a vacation. Seeing him, constantly carefree, we're reminded of the summers we had as children, back when summers off were still a thing. And in Lisa, we have the embodiment of our conscience. She may be self righteous and a little off putting, but beneath it all, she's striving to do the right thing. We connect with that.
Even underneath that there is a more basic reason for why we love The Simpsons. They're a family, and they love each other, however much they may fight. What's not to like?
Some of it surely has to do with the fact that they are (or rather, were) extremely funny. For a period in the 90's, no television show outside of Seinfeld had writing as good as The Simpsons. Their longevity must have something to do with it. As one of the longest running television shows of all time, even though they've overstayed their welcome, they've grown on us. But that can't be all. There must be some reason why episodes we've seen literally hundreds of times before still leave us with a lump in our throats. So what is that reason?
Simply put, They are Us and We are They. The reason the one-sided, sometimes downright abusive relationship between Homer and Marge still appeals to us is because in it, we see our ideal relationship. They are quite evidently soulmates, a perfect example of opposites attracting. They are what we strive for in our romantic relationships. In Bart, we see the little child we all wish we could have been to some extent. To him, every day is a vacation. Seeing him, constantly carefree, we're reminded of the summers we had as children, back when summers off were still a thing. And in Lisa, we have the embodiment of our conscience. She may be self righteous and a little off putting, but beneath it all, she's striving to do the right thing. We connect with that.
Even underneath that there is a more basic reason for why we love The Simpsons. They're a family, and they love each other, however much they may fight. What's not to like?
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